first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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