From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
