Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
