this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
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Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
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There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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