i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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