I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize