At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM