i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?