Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
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Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
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shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol