If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
