On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize