You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
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Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
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don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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