I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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