I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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