Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
