Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
