Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS