I'm fucking your sister right now.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever