He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
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VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.