i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.