Nicole vs. Life
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover