I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.