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"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
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