She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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