Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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