i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
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will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
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It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
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