I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize