let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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