I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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