We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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