he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything