i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet