Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
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On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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