yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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