I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
