and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
