Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize