Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
