pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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