This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
