I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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