Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
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Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
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we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
They have beer where we have blood.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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