Well douche your snatch and let's go!
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
