So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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