Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach