just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now