Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.