I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
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What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.