i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
