I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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