with your own penis?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
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He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
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The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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