And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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