There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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