So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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