the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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