Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
