my room smells like sperm. sweet.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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