i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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