i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
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I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
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If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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