I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
