Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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