gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
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The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
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Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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